The hopeful, helpful, empowering guide for when you don't feel like having sex

Are you having Brussel Sprout sex?

Are you having Brussel Sprout sex?
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Let me clear up the title of this article. Not are you having sex with Brussel sprouts? (Don’t worry if this is you, I’m sure there is a corner of the internet dedicated to solely that!).

No. This article is about Brussel sprout sex. Let me explain…

Learning to cook

One of the first skills we learn when we move out of home is how to cook. (Or not, in my case). We evolve from children into adults because we get to experiment with what food we want, what we like and dislike. We begin by deciding if we want a little salt, and then pepper, and then how spicy we like our grub. As our culinary skills bloom, we progress to making our own dinners. Whether you are a gourmet chef serving yourself up duck a l’orange, or just cheese on toast,  our lives are about a journey during which we learn how to decide how we like our meals and help ourselves.

Sometimes we go out for dinner, and we can choose something super fancy, or have the same thing at our favourite restaurant because we know we like it. Other times, we’re starving and want a mega meal to fill our tummies. We might also fancy, once in a while, the calorific goodness of a fast food takeaway to satisfy that craving for comfort food. On extra naughty nights, you might skip straight to dessert, or have cereal for dinner, just because you want to!

Learning what tastes yucky

We also know what we don’t like. I HATE beetroot, and I’m not a fan of Pate (yuck). Because I’m an adult, I can make my own mind up and avoid these things from my diet if I don’t want to eat them.

That’s why my plate is never full of Brussel sprouts at Christmas- because now I’m an adult, I can make my own decisions on what to have with my own Christmas dinner (and they’re devils food).

But, imagine eating whatever has been given to you, just how another person cooked it, every night of the week.

Maybe it’s because you haven’t thought about it that much and it’s just what’s there.

Maybe it’s because someone else is the cook in your family, and you’re happy to go along with their choices.

But what my REVELATION the other night taught me is…. imagine the whole range of delicious foods you’d never know existed- and never know you liked- if you just ate what was on offer and didn’t take ownership of your taste buds.

We’d become like a robot, just fork to mouth, our likes and dislikes only growing in response to someone else’s choices.

BUT, if we did decide to take our flavour preference into our own hands, imagine the world we might find!

A world of culinary delights at your fingertips!

You might go to a friend’s house for dinner and they cook up something exotic and your mouth starts squealing with delight! And then, you might like to incorporate that particular ingredient into your own weekly dinner menu.

Perhaps you’ll over salt your dinner, try it, ditch it because its minging. That’s ok too! To really rinse this analogy (I know, but you love it- try it yourself, it’s fun), you might even grab the tabasco sauce and start a fire in your mouth and hot everything up. Do it, it’s your life, your mouth, your culinary desires!

Now, I know you know this is coming. Let’s apply the same idea to sex.

Brussel sprouts of the sex world

Imagine ladies, you might be eating the Brussel sprouts of the sex world, just because you are only having what is there, rather than what you want!

We are missing out on fulfilling our deeper needs as women, a whole world of fun, and also, we’re in danger of being easily led by others that might not have the same taste buds as us if we don’t take control of what we want in bed.

Or, better fitting to our analogy above, I’m just eating what my boyfriend serves up, every night of the week, because I haven’t mentioned how I like my food.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a pretty darn good cook (if you get my drift ;)). But all of this came to me in a big thunderclap of amazingness. There isn’t some big secret to sex, being good at it, or becoming a wild sexual lioness. It’s just down to small changes where you express your wants and needs, the same as you would telling someone about how you like your cup of tea.

Some people might find it comes more naturally to express what they want and seek it out. Other people might find what they want is on a very niche menu somewhere in a specialist restaurant. Others of us may have never even thought about what we want and how we’ve gone along with the flow, and it’s time for us to start!

Where to begin?

If this is you, (it’s me too!) we can begin with what I call the “taster menu”. Start slowly, and take a bite here and there. This means expressing yourself and what you want. Don’t put pressure on yourself to change overnight, because we’re probably not used to asking for what we want. But, it’s about little and often.

You’ll find the first time you ask for what you want, the reward will be huge. Not only will it increase your self-esteem and you can pat yourself on the back because you’re taking control of your sexual tastebuds (I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist). But more importantly, SEX WILL FEEL BETTER FOR YOU because it’s exactly what you ordered. And what better reward could there be than pleasure.

The proverbial party in your mouth after an amazing three course dinner could become a party in your pants after the best three course sex marathon you’ve ever had!

So, how to do this? Firstly, start with what you know. Saw a move in porn? Suggest to try it. Know that when he puts his hands on your lower back it gives you fanny gallops? Tell him! Don’t like it when he pumps too fast or bored of missionary all the time? Let him know. Each step takes you that much closer to that perfect shag!

So, little pearls. It’s time for me to roll my sleeves up and get busy in the kitchen. How about you?


Mother Pearl


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