The hopeful, helpful, empowering guide for when you don't feel like having sex

BEGIN HERE: Is it normal to feel like you don’t want sex?

BEGIN HERE: Is it normal to feel like you don’t want sex?

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“I swivel and sit on his lap; my legs tucked back, knees planted on either side of his thighs, facing the mirror once more. His plan is suddenly crystal clear, I’m completely open to him, legs spread wide. Like this, both of his hands are free to touch and caress wherever he wants. His erection, currently hot and rigid between the cheeks of my behind, ready to push through my wet folds and we can watch it all, together.”- 50 Shades of Grey.

Cut to real life. Crikey. Aside from describing a fanny as a “wet fold”, does anyone else read that and think Christ, sometimes sex is so much effort! I’d rather be watching EastEnders with a cup of tea?

If that’s you then you’re in the right place. If you sometimes feel like you’d rather watch paint dry than shag your partner, or doing the weekly shop is more appealing than giving a blowjob, this blog is for you!

Sometimes, we ALL don’t feel like having sex.

And I’m here to tell you that’s completely NORMAL.

But, in a world where we feel we should be sexing each other up all the time and no-one talks about what happens when we don’t feel like it, it can feel like there’s something wrong with you.

I’ve got a long term boyf and I worry about what he thinks. I also worry about what I think!

Is my vagina the equivalent of an aging Bruce Forsyth, destined to toddle on in the background memories of Strictly but never again be centre-stage? Has my hunger for sex been forever satiated? Has my sexual fire been overzealously tended and now threatens to burn out? I’M IN A SEXUAL WELLBEING CRISIS AND NO-ONE ELSE CAN KNOW ABOUT THIS TERRIBLE AFFLICTION!

Am I normal?

Breathe. Don’t Panic.

So when I realised my fanny was MIA, I did what any self respecting woman would do. Obviously, I googled it.And, wow.

I imagine if you are here you will certainly recognize what happens to your life (and your search history) when you type in “loss of libido”.

My screen was flooded with floppy willies, promises of Viagra, reams of information about older men and their lack of testosterone, but very little on women.

The little corner of the internet that is devoted to libido-boosting tries to peddle various bits of medication, foods to eat or sex positions to try to improve your sex drive. . And I sat there and thought- if only it were as easy as the articles that promise “5 steps to boosting your libido” seem to think.

Nope, I realised it’s a one (wo)man job to understand myself and my vagina more. I feel we as women need more resources, more space to talk, and more focus dedicated to boosting our sexual desires (and not just smutty, terribly written soft-porn!).

So read on for guides, tips, reviews and more on how to manage when you don’t feel like having sex, whether it’s a temporary,  or more permanent problem.

Why not begin here with an article about what’s putting the brakes on your sex life?


Mother Pearl





***Disclaimer alert***

This blog was set up as a space for talking about the lost libido.

Because I’m a woman, the site is mostly aimed at female low sex drive. But if you’re male and its useful for you, feel free to join in too!

Equally, this site is pretty hetero in nature. But please don’t feel left out if you don’t have sex with men… any opinions are welcome 🙂

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