The hopeful, helpful, empowering guide for when you don't feel like having sex

I interviewed a porn star about her libido, here’s what I found:

I interviewed a porn star about her libido, here’s what I found:
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When I was in the midst of a really low point to do with my sex drive, I often wondered about porn stars and their libido. I watched them happily shagging away, and I wondered whether they were really attracted to the people they have sex with, if they get bored or sex or struggle to take part, or if there was some secret to bonking that I just wasn’t getting!

So I decided to reach out to one to ask. And luckily, the lovely Satine came back to me with some amazing insight into her own experiences. Read on to find out more about having low sex drive in a world in which sex is everything..

Satine Spark

@satinespark

Interview with a porn star

Q. Please could you say a little about your sex drive at work- do you need to desire the person you have sex with, or can you get aroused without this desire?

A: I find at work, it is fairly easy for me to get aroused, even if I am not attracted to the other performer. I have a very vivid imagination and I know very well what turns me on. Also I find the excitement of working with someone new and in front of others a turn on so this also helps a lot. And in the worst case, if I cant get aroused… there’s always lube! 😉

Q.What do you do to get ready for sex at work?

A: For me, its important that I prepare myself mentally and physically for work. I see pornography as a very raw piece of acting. Im trying to turn the viewer on and im trying to get into the character of the person having sex in whichever scenario im in. So that takes some mental preparation. I like to bring out the most sexy, naughty and wild side of myself and emphasise it in a scene. So its still me, but sexier and naughtier. Also the physical side is important in the downstairs department. I can’t just “stick it in” without possibly causing damage so I can often be found having a quick wank off camera before a scene to “warm up” and more importantly, loosen up!

Q.Have you ever experienced any problems with wanting sex or getting aroused?

A: Oh yes of course! I find that with regular partners, I am easily put off sex if I feel taken for granted. I like to feel like my partner wants to sweep me off my feet every night and to have done all the washing up!

Q. If so, what did you do to overcome this?

A: Ive found that open conversation is key. Any drop in libido has been resolved for me with a conversation about it with my partner, no matter how small or silly it might sound.

Q. Do you ever find there is a difference in your sex drive in work and out of work (e.g. with a partner)?

A: I’m not sure there is a difference in and out of work but there is definitely a difference in sex drive dependant on if I have had a lot of sex at work or not. I find when I shoot porn more regularly, my sex drive is higher and I crave sex more often.

Q.Do you have any tips on how women can get themselves in the mood for sex?

A: Myself and my partner went through a little dry patch last year due to a change in working patterns where we rarely saw each other except late in the evenings. We’d both sometimes want sex but end up falling asleep instead so we decided to have sex every day for a month. At first it was weird because we knew what was coming and it felt a little forced but a week in and I found I felt sexier, we were much more playful with each other and I found myself planning in time for sex. Now that might sound ridiculous but I think its very important. People don’t always leave themselves time to actually have sex so excuses are made to not have sex. If you make time and you plan to give that shared bath together beforehand, sex will come much easier and I found that I thought about sex a lot more often. It also made us a bit more adventurous day to day as we wanted to try different positions and places to have sex in.

Q.What things do you like doing to feel confident and sexy?

A: For me, I feel most confident and sexy going down on my partner because it makes me feel really in control. I feel more confident because when I get to see my partners face as I go down on them, it makes me feel good when they are enjoying themselves. To feel more sexy, I like to wear stockings and heels in the bedroom with a splash of my favourite perfume.

Q. Anything else you’d like to let the readers know?

A: I think there’s no “normal” relationship or “normal” sex. Ive seen it all… literally, everything and more than I can think of! In the past 8 years of working in the porn Industry, I can safely say that none of us like the same thing or the same amount of sex so its important that you just embrace yourself, have fun, be safe and most importantly, be body confident in yourself. Once you feel confident in your own skin, sex can become something immensely enjoyable which you can do as little or as often as you want! Who cares what anybody else thinks, if your happy with your sexual libido, then thats far more important than anyone else. So get in front of that mirror naked and start telling yourself how beautiful and sexy you are!!

Satine x

Discussion:

Satine’s insight is really fascinating because she seems to fit into a lot of what I’ve found already, such as:
  • Knowing what you want (and not having Brussel Sprout sex!)
  • Having a lack of stress (love the washing up being done- its the small things that help us feel appreciated) and good communication with her partner (the sexual brakes discussed here are off)
  • And also the idea of thinking about and having sex meaning there is a knock on effect of wanting more sex!

So what do you think little pearls- comments below 🙂

Mother Pearl

xxx

P.S. There was a more personal question added in by me, as I was so curious as to Satine’s profession and how it aligns to my feminist values. She was so gracious to answer this little one I popped in below, and I thought you might like to know too:
Q: I also wondered if I could ask another question? Your answers really inspired me and I found it so interesting what you’ve said and I’ve never thought about pornography in the way you described. I feel like its really empowering for you! I watch a fair bit of porn, and I sometimes find that some can seem as though its centered around male fantasies (e.g. really violent, often women don’t come/the women are beautiful and men are fat and hairy and don’t show their faces etc). I sometimes feel weird watching some stuff as it seems a bit misogynistic. I wondered if you have any thoughts on this, or if there’s another way to look at it?


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