Sex: do you feel it or think it first?

This week the boyf has been away, and I’ve spent his absence thinking a lot about sex. Or rather, not thinking about it. Even writing a blog post about sex I’m not thinking about it!

I’ve realised that how much you think about sex on a day to day basis is directly linked to whether your sexual desire is “impulsive” or “responsive”. (To read more on this, read my main post on “An Essential Guide to Your Sex Drive”.)

Where does your desire come from- upstairs or downstairs?

In simple, terms, this is the breakdown:


For impulsive people, they think about sex first (desire) and then feel it (arousal). So their sex drive begins in their heads and moves to their bodies. Men are most likely to be impulsive… perhaps that’s why they think about sex every 7 seconds! And if you are sexually impulsive, you’re more likely to get unprompted thoughts about sex… whilst doing the washing up, or in a boring work meeting and your mind wanders.

For us responsive people (more likely to be women), we often feel (get aroused) first, in response to physical contact. which results in us thinking about sex or lusting after someone (desire). So, our horniness begins in our body and spreads to our head once we’re getting in the mood. We’re less likely to think about sex at random points during the day, as our sexual on-switch is activated by others/when we touch ourselves.

So firstly, to increase your sex drive as a responsive person, the focus needs to be on waking up the body and practicing tuning into those physical cues of being turned on. More on this later!

Wish that you were more impulsive?

If you’re anything like me, you might wish that you were more impulsive.

Oh, how I long to just randomly think about sex, or get sexual thoughts pop into my head like freshly-toasted crumpets.

Instead, my brain seems to be a squiggly space filled with thoughts of work, tonight’s dinner and Jeremy Corbyn. Read- not sexy!

Most of my uncertainties about my sex drive come from that gap between knowing I’m responsive (and feeling ok with that) but feeling that being impulsive would just make me feel that bit more confident.

If I were to be a bit more impulsive I’d feel more “sexually alive”. And it’s important to me. So, to become more sexually impulsive, we need to get THINKING in a sexual way first. More on that soon little pearls 🙂


Mother Pearl


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